I’ve always heard many versions of sayings that simply tell, “personal stuffs don’t mix well at the workplace.” In my 25+ years of working for a paycheck, I’ve never seen this happen. Your personal side always mixes in the things you do at work. Even at play, your personal self always appears.

You are who you are, growing up during your 20-something years in an environment that honed those characteristics of who you are. When you embark in social networks outside your comfort zones, e.g. home, parents, siblings, you begin to realize that some of the things that make you “you” don’t mix well with the network; and so you adjust. Likewise, you do the same thing in the workplace. You also learn and add new characteristics to your self by observation and “trial and error.”

So, when someone tells you (sometimes forcibly) that “it’s nothing personal,” the truth is it’s always personal. It’s always your personal self mixed with some professional requirements or needs. If you fire someone, it’s not as if some robotic supercomputer has commanded you to inform “John” that the robot is firing him. You or someone else made the “conscious” decision to fire John, a decision made by a person’s mind using personal experiences in the workplace plus other networks and environments. Your persona is always involved even if it is in the workplace.

I always tell my personal stories to people that I work with not because they are wonderful stories to tell but for the reason that I need people to know who I am and why I behave the way I behave, think, decide and so on. Many of those I’ve worked with know I have a mother who lives far away from me and my father died two weeks after I got married. Some know where I spent my childhood days and what school I attended. But knowing all these does not mean “kissing up” to them or to me. Here’s another thing you need to consider — you’ve got be consistent all the time. If you’re the smiling person, always be the smiling person even when problems persist at home.

I’ve had the experience of firing people, and I don’t mean one or five in my lifetime. I’ve fired thousands at one point when I was called the “axe man” responsible for deciding which group or department in a failing company must be shutdown and who should be let go. I knew that the personal side of “me” was involved in the decision process. So, how did I become personal in a professional task like this? I helped in the person’s transition from having no job to creating job opportunities for him.

As an example, I’d like to share with you someone who used to work for me in a previous company. Jane is a sweet, friendly person who was hired by someone and placed in my group to work as one of the three assistants that I already had. The few days she started with me told me how industrious she was, always busy and always looking for work to do. However, in the coming weeks, her weaknesses began to appear. Jane did her work a lot slower than the rest of my assistants. No matter how we all pitched in to try to help, her mental capacity to absorb new information and finish work was just not at par to the requirements of the company we all worked for.  Everyone was starting to do Jane’s work because she was slowing us all down.

So, one night, I already decided that I had to fire her. I sat down at the dinner table one night when everyone in the house were already asleep, got some blank sheets of paper and started to analyze Jane — sort of like a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) analysis. Then, I listed down people who I knew that may benefit employing Jane, even fictional types of people like “an Uncle who owned a manpower agency.”

The following day, early in the morning, I called Jane and we went to an empty, private office. I could see from her eyes she was nervous. I used the “Kiss-Kick-Kiss” technique by opening up with her strengths, reading it from the pieces of paper I had scribbled the night before and letting Jane see those pieces of paper flat on the desk. I told her I have decided to ask her to resign. Then, I went to my list of prospective employers where her total characteristics will benefit those companies or places. I also asked her if she knew relatives or acquaintances that fitted the list of fictional types of people and companies I wrote down. We went through a lot of “what if” scenarios and our discussion lasted for two hours. At the end of our meeting, we quickly drew up talking points on what she can honestly answer people if asked why she was leaving, making sure she resigned than being terminated from work. I also told her to give me a call whenever she hits a wall on her job hunting or when she already has work.

I allowed Jane to stay the following day where our group gathered to bid her goodbye with potluck and delivered food and drinks. Like we expected, many asked the same question why she resigned and, at one query, she even winked at me before she answered back. A month later, Jane visited us in the office and told me and everyone else where she currently works and how she enjoys the job. Privately, she thanked me for giving her a sense of her strengths and where she could put that to use.

When I mentioned firing thousands of people, the initial task was an exercise of my brain and my analytical experiences brought into a single spreadsheet. However, in the action of terminating the groups and departments, I ventured into the fire: I personally went to the location of the group and told them that we were shutting them down. Of course, doing so meant a thousand-and-one questions and I was ready to answer their questions. I was also ready to provide post-employment assistance — both monetary and functional — helping them transition to their next job. I prepared all these before I went around the scattered locations, having gotten budgets from my superiors to set up these different support groups. I didn’t get “death threats” but did somehow get course or painful remarks during my face-to-face encounters. But I didn’t chide these remarks; rather, I faced them with truthful answers. If I didn’t know the answer then, I promised to get back to them personally and I did. The moment you become personal with people — letting them know who you really are and seeing how honest you are to them — their anger or frustration dies down and become more open to solutions or next steps.

Whoever your boss is, they should also know the real you. It’s not “ass kissing” as most employees label such action. In my experience, letting my boss know who I am has always worked to my advantage without going against any company policy or unlawful act. Let’s say you’re late because you had a spat with your spouse. If your boss never really knew anything about your wife — who she really is — chances are your tardiness is grounds for some negative action coming from your boss. However, I’ve always made sure my superiors have always known my wife and kids even if they never met them. If there’s a chance to let my family meet my boss, I always strike upon the opportunity because a face is always a stronger recall than just a name or a description. One time in my career when trouble struck in the family, my boss becomes more understanding of the situation. I explained that my work schedule had been clashing with my family’s need for my time and it was already becoming worse with arguments. What did my boss do? She went out of her way to find me an alternative position in the company, which actually became better for my career.

Spouses (or in my case my wife) have always complained about husbands bringing work to the home where, as most of them would say, doesn’t belong there. “Work is work and the family at home doesn’t need to hear about work.” However, I totally disagree — to a certain extent. In a marital relationship, you spouse has got to be your greatest, best friend or BFF! If he or she isn’t, there’s something wrong. Therefore, in times of stress or distress, there’s one person you can rely on for counsel, inner guidance and down-to-earth advise — and that’s your spouse. However, you can’t just jump into a conversation about the office every now and then. In a personal relationship, there is consistency and routine that human nature expects or looks for. So, sharing your office woes only isn’t the way to go; there’s also got to be good times and positive events or activities that has to be told as well. Making it a daily routine, say 10 minutes about the office, is the best foot forward that allows your spouse to share the good, the bad and the ugly. And when the downtimes hit you, it isn’t hard to explain it to your spouse because he or she already knows most of the things you do and that happens in your office.

Also consider your kids. Who do you think are their heroes or role models? I’m sure there’s a time when your child would bug you to bring him or her to your office — and you do (if you haven’t, you’re depriving you child of knowing more about you). Chances are he or she will tell their friends of their trip to dad’s (or mom’s) office, the experiences they encountered, the people they met, the things they say — I mean, you know children and their animated way of story-telling an experience. After that first visit, your children will continue to ask questions about your work and the office, and knowing you strike a conversation on the dinner table about the office every so often relieves your children that all is well with you — their hero or idol (for now).

When I attend a meeting where I get to meet a new person, I always make sure to bring something personal on the table. I can talk about my family and our travels, my peers in high school, my personal achievements and so on. For women, showing your family picture to them grabs the whole “personal and professional” mix up one level in the “trust” spectrum. Why? Business transactions are still made and dealt with by people. People always use their hindsight, gut-feel or intuition to decide the better course for their business or work. Telling someone who you really are provides more positive inputs to their decision making. But don’t lie — there are those who are experienced and learned enough to know if you’re lying. Telling a fib can ricochet badly if it’s later known to be a lie — be careful! The internet has flattened our world and news and stories now travel faster than you can spell “Mississippi.” So, honesty and trust adds value to the decision making process of a person, no matter what you are selling, marketing or presenting; and providing more personal truths about yourself brings more credibility to your professional expertise.

The person in you has to mix with your professional persona. That’s the only way everyone wins. Hiding the truth about yourself isn’t a protectionism action against unwanted thwarts, not unless you yourself are doing something bad, illegal or very negative that you fear the repercussion of similar actions. Your peers in the workplace has to better understand you and the way you do things. Your spouse and children have to know what’s going on with you in the workplace so they can also adjust in your personal abode. Your network of new and old business associates need to know more about you and what makes you or the organization you represent the best candidate for their needs. Everything you do at work is the effect of who you were and who you are today. Letting people around you understand your “human nature” allows them to adjust or to counsel you when the need arises.

In the end, it’s a “Win-Win” scenario. Now, who wouldn’t want a win-win result?