Antonio Lumanlan Pekson (1934-1994)

My Dad was “a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma,” as a quote from one of my favorite TV series. He was a handyman at home, always teaching me how to do things on my own than rely on the household help or service people – house repair and car repair. He was also a workaholic, passionate with the jobs I remember him at Philippine Refining Company (now Unilever) and Solid Mills, a garments manufacturing entity. As a Mechanical Engineer by education and occupation, he was also very sociable, loving his professional organization the Philippine Society of Mechanical Engineers (PSME) with gusto until the day he died. For everything good a son sees in his Dad, I saw plenty in him despite many more minor faults.

Death in the family is not easy to cope up with. I cried at my Dad’s death bed in the hospital and because of the heavy emotional feeling, my Mom and I even mixed up his memorial service to one we had no prepaid plan with; but with the help of my Mom’s friend, Olive Ventura, we were able to sort things out. After my outburst at the hospital, I shed no tear, even during the start of the wake and at the burial. As marriage partners are, my newly wed wife Carina was always there to console me during that stressful time. I did sob like crazy when one time I sat alone on a respite of a few hours from the wake.

The past weeks, I have had spurts of sadness because from the time my Dad died, I tried to be a good son to my “other Dad.” The sadness is that we both never really grew close to each other, never talked of things as father-and-son would talk about, always there to respect his authority and stature as the patriarch of my wife’s family; but, the essense of closeness wasn’t there.

My other Dad’s death was sudden. He was 74. Recently in April this year, he and my “Other Mom” celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary by renewing their marriage vows in an informal ceremony held in their province of origin where the entire clan was there to witness the event.

My other sadness speaks of my marital relationship with my wife during this time of despair – I am not around to console her. For not telling a longer story outside my words today, I can only pray that she and her four other siblings find peace and respite knowing that their Dad is now at peace. I can only imagine my “Real Dad” with his open arms welcoming my other Dad and hugging each other – that scene gives me a happier feeling.

Papa, as commonly as I called my other Dad through my married years and up to now, has had a long, winding journey in life, bearing both successes and failures as he approached each challenge with gusto. Like myself, he is also an only child, having lost his Dad at an early age. But he was more focused in his work than I was. Even if there were special moments in his children’s lives that he wasn’t present, he repaid his absence with enourmous gusto. No one is perfect, not I nor anyone in the world; we have our strengths and weaknesses. But, we try to cope with the time we’re given to nurture and love those around us.

Me and my in-laws

I will miss the last, remaining Dad in my physical world. I am happy that I had the chance to last see him in April as Carina and my kids also did. I am sad that he is gone but there are hundreds of fervent memories encapsulated in my mind about him, good things that I know will allow me to bring more essence in my life.

Goodbye, Papa. May you rest in peace with God, our Lord Jesus and the angels and saints above. And please hug my Dad for me when you see him in heaven.

A belated Happy Father’s Day to you both!

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Addendum: My former boss, friend and pilot-blogger Tonet Rivera just posted a YouTube video that reminds us all of how the imperfections make our loved ones… perfect!

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Title photo by Taylor Spaulding Photography (spudjnr123) at Flickr.com

There are, of course, those that think otherwise. For some reason, I may have hurt them or became the reason why they failed a business opportunity or the like. If in my good conscience I know I have done nothing wrong but gave everything my honest and sincere best, then I can sleep soundly and now worry about those who may think “otherwise.” Life is too short to keep hurt feelings or, worse, become vengeful with spite. I grew up with parents who were not perfect but were consistently nice and accommodating to everyone. That character rubbed in on me and made me live life according to those ideals. Despite the ordeals and hurtful encounters, never ever change the goodness in you – ever!

I haven’t written at all only because of the rut I went through. But, like any wounded prey, you lick your wounds, heal yourself, get up and start walking back to the path you came from. That path is still my intention of providing for my wife and children and being able to go back and live with them – near them. A short version of a long story is that I live thousands of miles away from my family but I never relinquished the aspiration to be back with them, forever.

My rut was the result of a few failed projects involving call centers, web development, content development and internet marketing. My realization to all these is that at the end of the day you are still who you want to be, and if those failures make you succumb to brooding and procrastination, you will have failed not only yourself but everyone around you. To be able to get back up on your feet and go back to your chosen path in life is difficult but not impossible. God and faith are very important – don’t be part the 5% population in the world that do not believe in God at all. God moves wonders in you to make a dash back to reality and life, and continue conveying compassion, love and understanding to everyone around.

Notice that many of the world’s richest people are, well, to put in direct perspective, “assholes.” Therefore, nice people don’t necessarily beget wealth – not that much, anyway. I don’t mind that at all. I’ve learned that our aspiration in life must not be about money but peace of mind. Regardless of how people think of you, if you think you have done no one wrong, or if you have sincerely apologized for the wrong that you have done, then there’s nothing from stopping you to live life according to your good principles in life.

Be a good person, no matter what the odds are. Money does grow on trees but it blossoms way above an oak tree – yeah, that tall. You need effort, determination, focus and ambition to have your picking. That’s how wealth is achieved. However, there are other people also trying to do just the same as you are, together in the same tree. If you think kicking them out of the tree to fall and hurt themselves, or trampling on them to speed up your ascent, will make it easier and faster for you to get your wealth, well, think a milion times before doing just that. Because, man, I’ll tell you – it isn’t worth it.

Today, two nice persons by the name of Fred C. and Chris P. have given me renewed life to a new business opportunity that I thought was lost. We recently met, rejuvinated the past intention to market and sell their service in the country, rekindled our professional relationship to a new par, and has now inspired me to rise up from the rut and go back to the path I was once at. Yes, you need people like Fred and Chris who are willing to help you, even if it’s just a nudge. You need people who are willing to support you in what you’re trying to do, people like my newfound friend, Gale P. You need to continue doing the “meet and greet” friendly, unobtrusive networking even if the likelihood of a sale isn’t there – there are always indirect means through your new professional acquaintances that isn’t apparent but will eventually result in closing a sale. Don’t do it out of self-interest because that kind of negative vibe will become obvious later on. Do your networking out of sincere interest to meet, greet and get to know the person well, especially friends and acquaintances you haven’t seen for a long time.

One thing you must always do is “be honest.” Never lie, cheat or steal. You don’t have to be great friends or BFFs but honesty is a quality that draws honest people closer to you than, say, your gift of gab. In the 80-20 rule of life, 20 percent of people may just want to use you. Be careful but be honest. If you can’t help the person who’s asking for money or your valuable time, tell them so. I was once in that situation where I asked people for money (I panicked) and half of them responded back. A big portion of that half said they couldn’t help me because of varied reasons. With sincere gratitude, I admonished appreciation for even just responding back to me. Many of them today are closer to me as friends or business acquaintance than before. The other half stayed silent and I’ll never know why; but that’s okay. They have their own reasons why and I for one cannot even think of judging people. My faith has taught me well that only God can judge us.

I have lived alone since, oh, for almost two years. Prior to that, I lived with my in-laws for about a half a year. I am an only child so maybe that’s the reason why I can survive without have anyone in my humble abode when I come home. After separating from my family, I pursued the course of entrepreneurship and have had my share of successes and failure, more of the latter. Good friends who became my business partners are now gone and, like always, I do not force myself to want someone to like me. Again, they have their reasons. Many other people I know, friends and acquaintances, continue to appreciate me as who I am; and I am thankful for them all the time. If I feel the angst to be around people, I just go to a coffee shop with my notebook computer and get into my creative self of looking for solutions to my issues and my problems. My notebook is my best tool of soltitude, tapping away on the keyboard, verbatim to my thoughts and without the need to edit what I first write. Regardless of my situation, I try to visit my in-laws every weekend and mingle with them on everyday banter of family life or things that have happened.

Recently, my father-in-law got sick and had to go through an Angioplasty surgery. I didn’t have to tell anyone that I felt so much compassion for him and what he was going through. I felt his pain. He is growing old yet continue to work for wealth because, somehow, I understand his need to fulfill many of his childhood aspirations. He is a kind and decent man. Just like me, he is an only child, too. I even asked my Facebook friends for their prayers, and many obliged openly or did it in their own non-public ways. My real father, Antonio Lumanlan Pekson, died 16 years ago and even if my father-in-law isn’t my blood relative, he is the only Dad I have today. (My Mom also lives far away from me.) My Catholic and Filipino traits rub on me to respect my parents and elders, be kind and honest to people, and never cheat, lie or steal – and of course, never kill. With that, I will always love my in-laws in my own humble way.

I’m now trying to get back on the road to recovery. I have been very busy tyring to come up with sales and marketing plans for the service I am trying to sell. KUNNECT is a hosted call center solution that allows any business center or call center, small or large, to perform its customer-centric services without the need for large capital investments, no need for a long set up duration and no expensive upfront fees. I love the product and the service, and I love the people behind it – Fred, Chris and everyone in KUNNECT. It has, as I mentioned, given me a renewed inspiration to fulfill my dreams once again but with the honest feeling that I’m doing the business market some good, too, in providing a cheaper but productive way to do business. And I’m doing it “on my own.” No more business partners. No more suckering myself into believing that good friends are the best kinds of business partners. They will always be my friends but I’ve learned late in life that it’s not always the best combination. Give them something to do on their own is better than working together but feeling you can’t argue about his personal self in the workplace. That’s a fine tightrope to walk.

Love God. Love your family. Love everyone around you even if they do the wrong things. Love your work, something which you spend a third of your life doing – sometimes even more. But most importantly, love yourself, too. To love yourself means you profess a positive aura that becomes very transparent to the people around you – and, like a virus, they get hooked on your positiveness and optimism, and project the same sentiments to others. All told, life is short but life is good, no matter what the odds are. Life is God’s gift to you – so, treasure it to its fullest potential.

Happy halloween!